Dear Loved Ones,
Are you experiencing the big push away from your struggling student?
They don’t want to talk about school. They claim to not have homework. They don’t want you anywhere near their backpack. Meanwhile, the grade report clearly shows they need our help. Is your struggling student fading from genuinely trying, to not wanting to try at all?
All of the signs are there. We are entering the second semester’s slump phase of the Semester Lifecycle. It’s a tough time for us as loved ones, but a tougher time for our struggling students.
They are overcome with dread as the reality sets in that mistakes will keep happening, even with their best efforts.
Welcome to the Mid-Semester Slump Phase.
This month requires a pause to prioritize, and a reset. It is time to regroup and realign our efforts together. Let us remember our role in this system, our goals within our role, and the truly successful outcomes we are striving towards.
This is going to be a tough group of weeks, but we know our struggling students can get through it and bounce back.
This WILL be a better semester because we can plan for the predictable struggles and use the strategies that match.
Remember that fresh go-go attitude at the start of the school year? Where did that go?
At about month two and three into the semester our struggling students begin looking a bit different. The comments go from “school is easy this year” to “this is too hard” and “I’m stupid.”
Confident comments are replaced with declarations that everything is too difficult, is u much, and takes too long.
Why The Attitude and Lying?
We have brilliant kids. That’s why.
Brilliant kids strive for autonomy. This is tough to parent, but ultimately, a very good attribute. That desire for independence will eventually turn into a desire to move out and build a life of their own. Which is the hope, right?
While their approach to gain independence might be flawed, the push towards autonomy is a good thing.
That strong will (again..remember..this is good) initiates some shame though. They feel ashamed that they need help and ashamed that they are making mistakes despite their best efforts. Aside from that, disappointing you is far more painful than a failing grade, so the solution to all of this is to keep you at a distance. Hence, the attitude and lying.
What Changed?
Simply put, our struggling students didn’t change, but their brain’s reaction to the environments are dictating their ability to function.
The excitement of the new semester has faded away to routine. With that the brain stimulating excitement fades and executive functions begin to fail (again).
Our struggling student's brains began to betray them:
there are now missing assignments, even though they are trying
there are now missing instructions, even through they were listening
the grades begin to slip, even though they are trying to stay on top of it
Simple said, the second and third month are the worst for our struggling students with brilliant minds.
Welcome to the Mid-Semester Slump. It's a bummer here, but we get through it.
This month we can expect emotions and motivations at an all time low. At this point, the newness of the semester has completely worn away, and the end of the semester is nowhere in sight. Struggling students take a big hit emotionally, as all of the early efforts don't pay off anymore.
Before we get into the solutions, it’s very important to note something. Reduced brain activity is literally the slippery slope to depression. Watch out for self-harm talk, and signs of a sudden onset of depression. I strongly recommend reading up on the Take Five To Save Lives resource (https://www.take5tosavelives.org).
So, What Do We Do?
It’s an anxious time and they’ll pick up on your worry. Know that there are many ways to get through this month, even if their grades tank and absence spikes.
These are all predictable problems and those we can plan for.
It’s time to rewrite that inner script from pushing discipline to pushing health, happiness, and wellbeing, as a response to the challenges ahead.
(Old Script) “Ah! That failed test is 80% of their grade!!”
(New Script) “Ah. An opportunity to practice self advocacy. It also might be time for a 504 review.”
Psssst… Check out the School Meetings Are Scary article.
(Old Script) “Oi! Another missing assignment! How will they ever get all of this done, when they couldn’t get it in the first place?!”
(New Script) “Ok. An opportunity to teach prioritizing and staying healthy. Let’s improve the sleep. Is there something happening with their mental health?"
Pssst… Check out the Healthy Homework Boundaries blog for some steps.
(Old Script) “Argh!! How can I get them caught up, when they lie and REFUSE to do the work?!?!”
(New Script) “Yep. It’s self-care time. They can’t do the work, they are out of balance. We need to get that straight first. More sleep. Better food. It’s time to help their brain focus.”
Psst… Watch for the Mental Health Matters More blog.
Find what is killing motivation and focus on that.
There are a few common imbalances that work against our students, killing motivation and poisoning homework time. These things need to get back in check before we can reasonably expect our students best performance.
Lack of sleep
Homework overwhelm
Toxic and/or chronic stress
Lack of interest
Lack of work/fun balance
Prioritize what matters, to energize the brain.
If we prioritize the elements that makes sense to our struggling student’s unique brains we can access and even trigger their motivation.
Prioritize basic needs - Guard their sleep and ensure nutrients.
Prioritize balance - The more stressed students become the more recovery they need. Aim to ensure at least a small amount of family, fun, and freedom every day.
Prioritize incentives - Struggling students tend to be goal oriented. They enjoy working towards things and achievements that they want. Set short term and long term incentives. Use the when… then… strategy. Replace punishment with incentives to motivate your student.
Struggling students experience school differently. There is a predictable pattern of trials and triumphs that they seem to cycle through each and every semester. If we tune into the pattern of high to low to high functioning, we are able to prepare and plan for the challenges. See more about the Semester Lifecycle.
I want to encourage you to expect the expected challenges, because we can plan for the predictable, and we will do just that to make this a better semester.
